


can't have one without the other

by blackkat



Series: From the Sannin to Shisui - Older Generation Drabbles [9]
Category: Naruto
Genre: Alternate Universe - Arranged Marriage, Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Crack, F/M, Humor, Weddings
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-12-27
Updated: 2018-12-27
Packaged: 2019-09-28 19:33:54
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 714
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17189066
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/blackkat/pseuds/blackkat
Summary: “Oh Zabuza,” Mei says, sing-song sweet as she marches through the burned husk of the door. “Come out, come out wherever you are.”





	can't have one without the other

“No!” Zabuza yelps, slamming the door and throwing the bolt like that’s ever going to save him. “Get the fuck away from me, you harpy bitch—”

A thud shakes the door, and there's an instant hissing crackle. Zabuza curses, lunging behind the bed as lava eats through the wood, but there's no other way out. The lone window looks down on the street, and he can hear Kisame and Mangetsu laughing uproariously below. If he had his sword, he could probably take them, but Ameyuri snatched it before he could even start to lift it. She took Haku as well, the traitor.

“Oh _Zabuza_ ,” Mei says, sing-song sweet as she marches through the burned husk of the door. “Come out, come out wherever you are.”

“ _Fuck_ ,” Zabuza mutters, but he rises to his feet, glaring at his Mizukage. And, of course, at the excess of frilly white cloth she’s carrying. “Like hell I'm going to—”

“I,” Mei says, and she has that mad glint in her eyes that makes even _Zabuza’s_ blood run cold, “am going to get my wedding one way or another, Momochi. And if you’re the one waking down the aisle, I can live with it. but you _are_ getting married, and you _are_ wearing this dress.”

“I'm marrying a _woman_ ,” Zabuza snaps, but he vaults the bed, keeping the mattress between himself and Mei as she advances. “Make her wear the damned dress!”

“Rin already said she’s not wearing a dress,” Mei says, smiling. It’s enough to give Zabuza nightmares, even without the lace monstrosity in her hands. “And you’d better not be bringing up gender role bullshit with me, Zabuza. You _know_ how I feel about that.”

Zabuza feels faint. He retreats three steps, glances out the window, and wonders if he really dares take his chances with Mangetsu and Kisame. Those seem like better odds at this point, honestly.

“Just save all of this for when _you_ get married,” he tries, knowing it’s a last-ditch effort. “Mei, come on—”

“This is _practice_ ,” Mei says cheerfully, and lunges. Swearing, Zabuza flings himself over her head, then sprints for the window and leaps out of it without so much as a hesitation. Below him, there's a crow of victory, and he grimaces, braces for impact—

A small body hits him, and with a whirl of leaves and a blur of speed, they're suddenly on the far side of the nearest training ground, touching down on damp grass. Touching down _hard_ , because a jinchuuriki’s power is nothing to sneeze at and hard to shove into a normal low-level jutsu, but even as he tumbles ass over teakettle Zabuza can't even _begin_ to care. Mei is at a safe distance and that’s all he needs to know.

“ _Ouch_ ,” a voice groans, and Zabuza opens his eyes as the figure mashed against his chest pushes up with a grimace, shoving her hair out of her face. Rin rubs a smear of mud off her forehead, then offers Zabuza a rueful smile. “Sorry, I think I still need to work on my landings.”

“Sweetheart, you could have dumped us in the bay and I’d still want to fucking kiss you for that rescue,” Zabuza laughs, and the squish of mud under his back is unpleasant, but nothing compared to the thought of Mei trying to stuff him into a wedding dress.

Rin laughs, and it’s sweet and bright. She tucks her brown hair behind her ears, then slides off of Zabuza to sit in the mud beside him, and offers, “The dress?”

“The dress,” Zabuza agrees. “I don’t have the fucking figure to pull off a mermaid skirt, but Mei's hellbent on getting me into _that_ gown in particular.”

Rin's grin is sweet and full of mischief. “Maybe we can argue her up to an A-line,” she offers.

Never let it be said that Zabuza isn't willing to make sacrifices to be sure this arranged marriage goes off without a hitch. “Together we can probably wear her down,” he says.

Rin gets to her feet, then offers him a hand. “It sounds like a plan,” she says cheerfully.

Zabuza takes the hand and lets her pull him to his feet with surprising ease.

Well. Maybe this whole marriage won't be so bad after all.

**Author's Note:**

> I'm on Tumblr as blackkatmagick if you want to find me.


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